Hi, my name is Janice and I was first diagnosed in May of 2001. Well, I was one of those people I think...you hear about something, being single and having been in an ongoing relationship, I didn't really worry about it. But, once my relationship was over, you don't think about 'maybe I was infected by my partner' but whatever, but you think about other relationships coming up later. So whenever I would go for my yearly checkups, I would ask my doctor to check me for HIV—automatically they ask you anyway—and when I was checked, the doctor came back and asked me, 'Oh, did you know you're HIV+?' And it was just like a blast in the face. I never even expected it.
I never thought that I would be sitting in front of a video camera doing something like this. It's um...I think I'm doing it for myself, I'm doing it for anybody who hears what I have to say. I'm doing it for my family, the ones that are sticking their heads in the sand. I know they love me, but it will show my family that there's not anything for me to be ashamed of or for them to be ashamed of.
I struggle with depression off and on. It's something, um...I think the best thing I can say is that you're going to go through some depression. It's good and it's bad. If you let it just take over where you lay down and just wait to die, you'll find out you're not going to die anytime quick, so the best thing to do is get up. You know, exercise helps. If you have any group sessions that you can attend, attend group sessions. Sometimes there are classes at the Y that deal specifically with grief and depression, and those are also good. But I think the best thing for somebody with a lot of depression is to deal with your family 'cause your family loves you. Hopefully, you've told them about it, and your friends. Those are the people who are going to make the difference when you're feeling the worst, you know, when you're depressed.
I'm 62 years old. I was infected when I was 58. There are more heterosexual women, African American, Hispanic, Caucasian, being infected and nobody knows it because we're guilty of being ashamed. No matter how you wind up infected, it's not like you walked out there and asked for it, so really, there's nothing to be ashamed about because being ashamed will keep you from getting the kind of care you need to stay alive.